1. TECHNOLOGY
Using technology as a free babysitting service is not actually “free” at all.
The price to pay is lurking somewhere. The cost is their nervous system, ability to pay attention, and ability to delay gratification. Compared to virtual reality, real life is too boring. When children come to class, they are exposed to human sounds and moderate visual stimulation, different from the bursts of images, movement, and special effects they often see on screens. After spending hours immersed in virtual reality, studying or processing information in class becomes a challenge for students because their brains are too accustomed to the high stimulation of online games or video games. Not being able to process information at a low level of stimulation makes them vulnerable to learning difficulties. Technology also makes us emotionally distant, pushing children and parents further apart in sharing emotions. Parents' emotional availability for their children is the main source of nutrition for the child's mind. Unfortunately, we are gradually depriving children of that source of nutrition.
2. WHAT YOU WANT IS TO BE
“Mother, I'm hungry!" – “Here, mom takes me out to eat”, “I'm so bored!”-“Here, take mom's phone and play!”
The ability to restrain and delay gratification is one of the keys to success. We have good intentions - to make our children happy - but unfortunately, we make them happy at the time but unhappy later. Knowing how to delay gratification means being able to function under pressure. Our children are increasingly lacking the ability to cope or cope with even minor stress. Then those small pressures gradually become big obstacles and difficulties in their future success.
Inability to maintain satisfaction happens everywhere - in the classroom, outside restaurants, at the supermarket, at the toy store - as soon as parents say "Are not“. Because it is parents who teach their children to get what they are asking for immediately.
3. CHILDREN DOMINATE AND CONTROL
“My son doesn't like to eat vegetables", "He doesn't want to go to bed early", "My daughter refuses to eat breakfast", "She doesn't like toys, but is very good at the iPad", "He doesn't like dressing himself", "She's too lazy to eat herself”. I often hear my mother say those things. Since when do Children dictate how we should be parents?! If you let the children decide, of course they will only eat fatty foods, watch TV, play on tablets, and never go to bed. And is it good for us to give our children what they have? WANT which knows that things measure NOT GOOD. Lack of sleep and improper nutrition make children feel uncomfortable, anxious, and unfocused when they go to school. Then in addition, we ourselves send the wrong message that they can do what they want and not do what they don't like. The concept of "need to be done" will no longer exist. Unfortunately, in life, to achieve our goals, we often have to do what is necessary, and those things are often not what we want. (A bit of parenthesis here: Thu Hong often tells her kid Andrew and her little friends this sentence every time they beg or refuse to do something: "There are things you don't want to do but you still have to do them."”).
For example: If a child wants to become a good student, he must study hard. If he wants to play soccer well, he must practice hard every day. Our children know what they want, but have difficulty doing what is necessary to achieve that goal. This leads to unfinished goals and frustrates children.
4. ENDLESS FUN
We have created a virtual world of fun for children. There is not a single moment of slowness or calmness. As soon as we have a quiet moment, we run back, frantically trying to find a new hobby or fun for our children. Because otherwise we feel we have not fulfilled our parental obligations. We live in two separate worlds. Children live in a world filled with "fun", while parents live in a world of work. Why don't children help their parents with the kitchen or laundry? Why don't they pick up their toys? It is those monotonous boring tasks that can train the brain to work and operate in boredom. And that is also the working muscle or essential element when children go to school to be taught. Because working muscles are trained through work, not through endless fun. At that time, there will no longer be the need to hear stories about children going to school, when writing or practicing beautiful handwriting, the reaction is often "I can't do it. It's so difficult! So boring!"
5. LIMITED/LESS SOCIAL COMMUNICATION
We are all too busy. So we give our children electronic devices to keep them busy too. Children in the past often played outdoors, where the natural environment was unstructured, allowing children to freely explore, learn and practice social skills. Unfortunately, technology has taken the place of outdoor activities. Technology also leaves parents with less free time to interact and communicate with their children. And of course, children will fall behind, because electronic babysitting devices do not equip or help children develop soft skills. Most successful people are good at social communication and proficient in soft skills.
The brain is a muscle that can be trained and retrained. If you want your child to know how to ride a bike, then you teach him/her the skills to ride a bike. If you want to teach your children to wait, then teach them patience. If you want your child to know how to communicate, teach them social skills. This rule applies to all skills, there are no differences.
HOW TO IMPROVE THE SITUATION
=> BRAIN TRAINING
Parents can change their children's lives by training their children's brains so they can succeed intellectually, emotionally, and socially. Here are a few ways to do it:
1. LIMIT TECHNOLOGY, AND CONNECT/RECONNECT WITH YOUR CHILD EMOTIONALLY
Surprise your children with a smile, give them flowers, tickle them, write a few notes to put under their pillow or put them in their school bag, visit them at school without an appointment, crawl around or dance together, fight with pillows. Please open parentheses for this paragraph: you don't have to know how to dance to dance together. Thu Hong and Andrew danced together all the time. Or jump up and down and spin around. For example, instead of posting statuses or pictures on Facebook to welcome November, parents should shout or jump with their children to cheer for the new month. Exactly 2 days ago while eating dinner, my mother and I did the same. Because the place where Andrew sat to eat was right next to the calendar. Then I suddenly remembered and shouted together, "Yayyy! It's November “. If you want to talk more, what events are there in November, what to expect, does anyone have a birthday, etc.
As for pillow fight, I also play it all the time. Many times, parents think it's not funny to hit each other in the face or head with pillows, then pick up pillows and clean up blankets. But children think differently and need different things. Pillow fight not only helps children release their energy, but also allows them to play, laugh, and spend time with their parents and loved ones.
Speaking of playing, Thu Hong sees that in Vietnam, part of the reason why children lack concentration and efficiency in studying and is unhealthy is because they rarely play. At school, there is little recess and little exercise. Young children, due to their age and development, need a lot of exercise. Mobilize more blood to reach the brain evenly and learn or absorb effectively.
The whole family goes out to eat together, spends a few nights a week playing group games like seahorses, card games or tu lo kho, riding bicycles, walking outdoors (not necessarily walking during the day, walking in the evening holding hands). following the flashlight is also very interesting).
2. PRACTICE DELAYED gratification
Make the children wait! It's completely normal if they complain or say they're bored. This is the first step towards creativity. Open parenthesis: Andrew also often complains of boredom, especially when traveling in the car or on weeknights after finishing his homework. I often suggest reading books, drawing, playing with toys, folding or folding paper, or tinkering with things.
Gradually increase the waiting time from the time the children say "I want" to the time the parents say "I can". Parenthesis again: I tried this method and it was very effective. Andrew often asked to buy this or that toy, and I often had to lie and avoid it. Lying in this case is not harmful (white lies) so it is acceptable. The reason I gave was that my father was busy and couldn't take me there, my mother hadn't received her salary yet, she was waiting for the reading test results, etc. Over time, he got discouraged and stopped asking to buy it, or completely forgot about it.
Avoid using technology in the car or in restaurants, instead teach children to wait by talking or playing games. Parenthesis: Some games Andrew and I often play while waiting are rock, paper, scissor shoot, puzzles about surrounding objects (Mom is thinking about green objects, giving oxygen, etc.), play I spy…
Limit your constant snacking
3. DON'T BE AFRAID TO SET LIMITS. Children need limits to grow up healthy and happy!
️Schedule or have a set time for each task such as meal time, sleep time, time to play with machines and technology.
️Think about what GOOD for them, not what they are WANT good ARE NOT WANT. Later they will be grateful to their parents for that. Being a parent is difficult. It's difficult because parents need to be creative and think of ways to force their children to do what's beneficial for themselves because most of the time, those beneficial things are the opposite of what their children want.
Open parentheses to give an example: I don't like eating vegetables and fruits, I only like to eat snacks or fast food. Parents must think of ways to force their children to eat vegetables and fruits voluntarily and enthusiastically. There are some ways such as regularly having vegetables and fruits on the family menu, eating vegetables and fruits with children, decorating them attractively, turning fruits and vegetables into vivid characters in the conversation between parents and children...
Children need to eat breakfast and nutritious foods. They also need to play outdoors and go to bed on time so they can come to school ready to learn the next morning.
Parenthesis again talking about breakfast: Thu Hong always emphasizes the importance of breakfast to her students. Breakfast provides energy for the whole day. When you eat breakfast, you must eat like a king, someone has said, that is, eat a lot and have enough nutrients. While teaching, I noticed that any child who was lethargic, inattentive, or tired looked like they either lacked sleep or hadn't had breakfast. If that day I ask any student who hasn't eaten breakfast because he's teaching late, I will allow him to go to the table at the back of the classroom to eat the breakfast he brought.
️Turn things children don't like or avoid into fun, stimulating and emotionally arousing games.
Parenthesis to give an example: When my friend Andrew was first taught how to wash dishes, he really didn't like washing dishes. I have a few ways like playing my favorite music while washing (like Piano Guys or Katy Perry), or while rinsing the dishes, put the bowl under running water and the two of us make noises or sounds like this. I heard the sound of rushing water and laughed happily haha, imagining my friend was taking a bath and scrubbing under the shower.
4. TEACH CHILDREN FROM A LITTLE AGE TO DO BORING MONOLOGY THINGS, AS A FOUNDATION FOR FUTURE WORKABILITY.
Fold clothes, collect toys, hang clothes, unpack shopping bags, serve meals, prepare food to bring, cook or order rice, fold blankets.
Promote creativity. From the beginning, associate those monotonous tasks with fun and stimulating activities so that your brain thinks about those tasks in a positive way.
Again, to give an example, I have a few ways to turn boring housework into something fun:
– When you tidy up your toys, you often sing the following short sentences: “Clean up, clean up, every body cleans up“
– When I ask my friend Andrew to carry my mom's bags from the market, I let him carry a few light bags first or a bag containing some of his favorite foods to make him a little more excited.
- When folding clothes, when you first know how to fold socks, you compare the socks after folding them to a coconut/coconut. Since then, I always use the word coconut instead of socks.
- Always encourage and praise promptly every time you learn a new chore. Simple sentences like "You're so good", "I'm very proud of you"...
5. TEACH SOCIAL SKILLS SUCH AS:
Teach them to wait their turn, to share, to know that sometimes they win and sometimes they lose (parenthesis about my friend's case: he is a very eager to win and perfectionist person, I always remind him that he doesn't always win, everyone loses sometimes), know how to compromise, know how to praise others, often say "Thank you, sorry, please excuse me”
According to many years of experience in the profession, I have seen children change in a positive direction as soon as their parents change their views on how to be parents. Help your child succeed in life early by training and enhancing brain health.
Source: Article by Ms. Thu Hong - SELF-STUDYED CHILDREN
